How to cope with mum guilt

Mum guilt happens to every parent at some point. You may be trying to split yourself between home and work and not feeling like you are spending enough time where you’re needed. You might have missed a big milestone and feel like the worst Mum in the world for it.

You might see another Mum seemingly having all the plates spinning when it feels yours are smashing and falling around you. Mum guilt happens to every Mum, and it happens for so many different reasons but what can you do to cope with that awful feeling when it hits?

We have put together some of our top tips to help you overcome Mum guilt and to help you remember the incredible Mum that you really are.

Comparison is the thief of joy

Social media can be a wonderful thing but sometimes it can do nothing but give us crippling Mum guilt. If you aren’t feeling like you are ‘bossing’ Mum life and then you scroll through your feed to see Mum’s with pristine houses, doing amazing home-made baking and crafts then you will instantly compare yourself to them and give yourself a huge dose of Mum guilt. As hard as it can be, try not to compare yourself. Social media only gives a tiny snapshot into someone’s day and usually these insights are filter or edited to show the best. Fill your social media feeds with accounts that inspire you and make you feel empowered as a mother rather than comparing yourself to tiger parents.

Be grateful for the small things

If you are having a day where you feel like you are failing at everything then just stop and take stock of all the things you are grateful for. Silent that Mum guilt by remembering and focusing on all the good things you have done that day, no matter how small. It could be something as simple as you and your baby being dresses or the wonderful cuddles you got to give your baby that morning. Finding the small things to be grateful for can help you gain some clarity and silence that inner saboteur that is trying to fill you with guilt.

A problem shared…

If you are feeling Mum guilt, then you need to know that you are not on your own. Reach out to your friends and family and speak to them. It is pretty much guaranteed that someone that you know has felt the way that you do. Talking to someone you trust can help you to articulate how you are felling and get to the bottom of why you are feeling that way. Once you have worked that out then hopefully you will be able to rationalise with yourself to overcome the guilt.

Selfcare isn’t selfish

Being a Mum can be draining mentally, physically, and emotionally. When you are feeling tired or under pressure it can be easy to ‘drop the ball’ or snap and that can then lead to all the Mum guilt. It is not selfish to need some time to reset and refresh. When you become a Mum, your child becomes your entire world and you literally eat, breathe and sleep Mum life. It is draining and nonstop. Even when your baby is asleep you will find yourself thinking about them or scrutinising yourself and your parenting skills. Taking some time for you to do something that makes you feel happy or refreshed is a GOOD thing and can really help with overcoming Mummy guilt. Self-care also doesn’t have to be a big, dramatic thing, it could be as simple as a hot cup of coffee or a shower in peace whilst your partner looks after the baby. Remember that you can’t pour from an empty cup and taking some time for you is never selfish.

Ask any Mum out there and they will tell you that Mum guilt is a real thing so the last thing to remember is that this is completely normal. Everyone experiences it differently and for different reasons but one thing that is for sure is that everyone experiences it. Just remember to weather the storm and that things will get better. Just take some time to reflect, reset and ride that way on the motherhood journey because before you know it, it will be time for another nappy change and another feed, and you’ll be onto the next thing.